If you have found love and wish to continue life together in a new constellation with your respective children, there are several things you should consider before moving in together with the whole bunch. It becomes a new system, and that means understanding the needs and desires of each member. It is a significant upheaval for a child to enter a new family structure.

First and foremost, we will discuss the fundament of the relationship and what it requires from each individual. Next, consider how your child will thrive in the new constellation - within the entire system. This means looking at the roles of the biological parents and the roles within the new unit. Overheating can quickly occur if the two adults do not know each other deeply or when children experience a too rapid shift and a different way of being a family. The soul and the emotional space must be able to keep up.

For many adults, there is a dream of a large family where everyone thrives and gathers around the dinner table. Unfortunately, it is not always the dream of the children. And the dream can turn into a nightmare if one does not exercise slowness and understanding for each individual in the system.

Preparedness, thoughtfulness, and inclusiveness are significant assets in a process of introducing a new family structure. Not everyone in the system considers it to be a "bonus family." Not all children want a "bonus" father or mother.

Everyone becomes part of the new system and constellation, where they can see and feel what they each mean and can contribute. The children's original caregivers, father and mother, should be the stable anchor, and the new parent should understand and respect that they do not have the same place.

The new parent or bonus parent must find another place in the children's system that can be rewarding and supportive. It is possible - and it can be rewarding to talk everything through. As an EFT therapist, I can support your process towards a new family.

Before you make the big move it is beneficial to talk it through and to view all the fundamental aspects of creating a new or blended family. It requires a lot of tolerance and willlingness to make it a safe place for all.